Look Up

It's one of those days. One where you have to continue to tell yourself "just look up!" "The end will be better than the begining!" "Carry on, carry on, carry on!"

One of those days where you have to fight the natural man in you to pray for your enemies.
One of those days where you've got to put someone who is making things hard, before yourself, because that's what the Lord would do.
I have been wondering how he did it... How he sat with the one who was about to cost him his life... and still love him. And still be willing to suffer for that man's sins. It's because he was more than a man. He was the son of God! And because he will forgive me, I will forgive my enemies. I don't know what they're going through... but I know that they will answer for the hurt they cause, or they too will partake of the atonement, as every one of us must, and ask to be forgiven. We all must do it. We must all ask for forgiveness. I have to go over it a few times in my head, but I will do my best.

It's also one of those days where once you start crying, you just start thinking about all of the things that you want to cry about. My friends. My family. It's one of those days where it's so hard to be standing almost all alone in the church, in such a full family. It's one of those days where I wonder, am I doing enough to help them? Am I still showing them how much I love them? I want so badly to just hold them all, my whole family. I want so badly to just tell them that I've found the truth! That things don't always have to be so bad. That we can carry on! That it will all be worth it. I love them all so much. I don't want to be judgemental, because I've made so many mistakes as well. How do I do it? I feel like such a hypocrite, but I want-- I NEED them to see! I pray so hard for my friends and family. I just want them to be happy. Of course it's not easy. Of course there are people who will not practice what they preach-- I am one of them at times, though I try hard not to be. It's not about people, it's about Christ. I just want everyone to KNOW how much they are loved! And how Christ just lifts the burdens off of our shoulders so we can push through the impossible.

It's days like these, where I fall to my knees in desperation. I will look up, because he asks me to. I can do it for Him.

Striving to achieve our goals

We are not perfect. Everyday, I work towards it, knowing that I can never get there on my own, but knowing that I CAN get there through my savior. I have been working on my goals, and let's be honest, it's hard work. I try my best to pray in the morning, but sometimes I just forget. It's sad for me to think that we are never forgotten by our Lord and our God, but we so often put other things before them. I'm grateful for the atonement which allows me to continue to strive toward my goals. I may fail, time and time again, but I know that every time I fail, the goal remains, and the saviors hand to help me get there never gets further away than a simple extension of my own hand. With the Lord, we can do great things. We may fail a few times before getting there, but how else do we learn? God knows each one of our hearts. He knows the weaknesses we have, he is standing right next to us enduring them with us. We work on becoming perfect so that He can do his part. Without us working on it, how can he help us? I will achieve my goals. It may take time.No, it will take a LIFEtime to get there, but Heavenly Father would not ask us to do something that is impossible. I have faith that through Him, I can do anything I am asked. There may be challenges along the way. There may be pain, hard trials, minor speed bumps, great blessings, many tears, and many smiles, but I will get there. I will get there.

Becoming My Best Self

So it's been awhile, but I have decided to come back to the world of blogging. Good deal, yes?

Bryce and I are indeed engaged and will officially tie the knot on March 3rd, 2012. Crazy, right? At times I feel like it can't come soon enough, but other times it's even crazier to see how much time has just been flying on by.
Bryce has loaned me his journals from his mission. It's simply amazing being able to go through the experiences he has had. I have come close to tears, laughed out loud, and simply just been in awe of how blessed I am in being able to have this man as my companion for eternity. Reading his entries just makes me want to become better. He shows such selflessness and investment in the Lord and His work. It makes me feel like there is so much more that I could be doing, and I know there is.

So I have set some new goals:
Before I marry Bryce on the Third of March, I want to go through the entire Book of Mormon. I am in Alma 6 right now, so I feel that that is not a far fetched goal at all!

Hopefully my scriptures will be this worn from reading them, someday!

Next, I want to improve my prayers. I say a prayer every night without fail, and do my best to be as sincere as possible, however I've been slacking... and by slacking I mean not doing... my morning prayers. So I have decided to improve on that. It will give me the energy I need and the blessings I need to get through the day. I have great faith in that!

I love the pure innocence of a child's prayer. I want to be more like them! So honest and true.

And last, but of course not least, I want to start reading my scriptures in the morning as WELL as the night! Double whammy, huh? This way I can start my day of stirring myself into remembrance of my covenants and how to react in certain situations and trials and tribulations that I may face throughout the day! How great is that? Because I always read my scriptures at night and end up kicking myself because I wish I would have remembered that during the day. No wonder the same things are taught over and over in the church, we need to hear them over and over to become more perfect like our savior. I'm so grateful for the scriptures and the fact they are meant for our day. I can always relate things to my daily life, or plausible situations I may face. It's amazing that they were inspired to write those things that are so beneficial to me! I LOVE THIS GOSPEL! 

So, a lot of my friends have been going through a hard time. I hope that they all know how loved they are by their Heavenly Father. The worth of souls is great to Him! Christ suffered those same trials that they are facing. He also felt the warmth that they feel in those scarce moments of happiness. He is enduring with you. Remember the price he paid for us! The pain that he went through to make sure that you are NEVER alone, even though you feel small, you were part of his reason for living. Let us live for him, who broke the bonds of death. Let us live our lives so that we can live with him again. Keep your chin up. Remember what Thomas S. Monson said: it is ALWAYS better to look up. So laugh instead of cry. Rejoice in the thousand tears that will be shed in joy, compared to one single tear you may shed because of hurt and pain and deceit. HE WILL COMPENSATE YOU SEVENFOLD IF YOU ENDURE! So let us all press on, regardless of the hurt, the disappointment, the hardness of man's hart. LET US ALL PRESS ON!