Look Up

It's one of those days. One where you have to continue to tell yourself "just look up!" "The end will be better than the begining!" "Carry on, carry on, carry on!"

One of those days where you have to fight the natural man in you to pray for your enemies.
One of those days where you've got to put someone who is making things hard, before yourself, because that's what the Lord would do.
I have been wondering how he did it... How he sat with the one who was about to cost him his life... and still love him. And still be willing to suffer for that man's sins. It's because he was more than a man. He was the son of God! And because he will forgive me, I will forgive my enemies. I don't know what they're going through... but I know that they will answer for the hurt they cause, or they too will partake of the atonement, as every one of us must, and ask to be forgiven. We all must do it. We must all ask for forgiveness. I have to go over it a few times in my head, but I will do my best.

It's also one of those days where once you start crying, you just start thinking about all of the things that you want to cry about. My friends. My family. It's one of those days where it's so hard to be standing almost all alone in the church, in such a full family. It's one of those days where I wonder, am I doing enough to help them? Am I still showing them how much I love them? I want so badly to just hold them all, my whole family. I want so badly to just tell them that I've found the truth! That things don't always have to be so bad. That we can carry on! That it will all be worth it. I love them all so much. I don't want to be judgemental, because I've made so many mistakes as well. How do I do it? I feel like such a hypocrite, but I want-- I NEED them to see! I pray so hard for my friends and family. I just want them to be happy. Of course it's not easy. Of course there are people who will not practice what they preach-- I am one of them at times, though I try hard not to be. It's not about people, it's about Christ. I just want everyone to KNOW how much they are loved! And how Christ just lifts the burdens off of our shoulders so we can push through the impossible.

It's days like these, where I fall to my knees in desperation. I will look up, because he asks me to. I can do it for Him.