I'm A Bad Mom

You know that mom you see at target? You know the one. You were on the other side of the store when you heard her baby screaming. The thought crossed through your head, "Whose BABY is that?! Something must be wrong... Why is the baby still screaming... It's been 5 minutes... Why isn't she doing anything about it?" I can promise you that that mom is trying her best. She is torn between letting her baby scream because she does not want her to get into the habit of crying to get what she wants, or just caving because she feels bad for everyone around who has to hear the screaming. Either way she knows she will be judged. Either by that older woman who can't believe she would let her daughter scream over something so silly as wanting to tear the sippy cups off the aisle wall and her mom not letting her, or by the younger girl who hasn't ever had children and wonders why this mom can't figure out how to make her child stop having a meltdown.

That mom is me. Trying to figure out the happy medium between discipline and not being a mom that people throw shade at (wow, I've never used that phrase but I totally love it...) because she raises her voice and sternly says, "NO." Trying not to cry because I'm wondering if the reason she is having a meltdown is because she fell down the stairs the day before, 15 steps, while I watched in horror as she went down like a poor rag doll and all I could do was scream her name because I couldn't catch up to her, and maybe the doctor was wrong and she is actually hurting. Constantly wondering if I'm the worst mom in the world because whenever I am around other moms they have it SO together, and use the sweetest voice when saying no, showing zero hints of frustration.

I would like to formally break that glass. I'm calling bull spit on the whole thing. There is not one mom out there who does not get frustrated. There is not one mom out there who hasn't had a moment where they crack and yell "NO!", or cave and give their kid the freaking toy because they'll lose their mind if they scream any longer. But in either situation, you can bet there would be judgement from someone.

Right now in the media, there is a lot of criticism going on about the mother who let her son fall into the silverback gorilla exhibit which lead to the death of an endangered animal. Let her son. LET her son? I can not even imagine how that mom feels, being called a bad mom by millions of people. Her son was 4, I have a 4 year old nephew who is the most mature kid in the world, he is extremely independent and if he were to say "I want to climb in there and play with the gorilla", I wouldn't even bat an eye thinking he would actually go in there! To have the entire nation question your ability to be a good mother? No one knows the exact situation that was going on, no one really ever does. But still we all think we have a right to call someone out on their mothering. Don't get me wrong, there are mothers who really could care less, times when we really should let professionals intervene, but to go off of a few quotes from onlookers and a YouTube video and be able to cast judgement? Why is it our place?

WHY DO WE DO THIS to each other, to ourselves? I'm constantly scared that if I ask a question about something that I should probably know the answer to, someone is going to think what a bad mom I am. I know everyone talks about it, the mom shaming, but it is as bad as ever. Even I am guilty of thinking "why the heck is that kid facing forward in the car seat when they aren't even two, doesn't she KNOW?" No, she might not know. There are probably a million things I do "wrong" because I don't know the right thing. On the other side of the spectrum, I am afraid to ever say something to help someone else because I DON'T want them to feel like I'm judging them. I think we as moms need to be a lot slower to jump to conclusions on why someone is trying to give us advice, a lot quicker to accept a helping hand, and a lot kinder to ourselves, because we are doing the best that we can.

As a mom, the words "damned if I do, damned if I don't" come to mind. There are a million different opinions, studies and facts, a million different sources of information, and we are all trying to figure it out. Every child is so different. God did that on PURPOSE. There may be a child here or there who "fits the mold" perfectly, but most of us are trying each day to find what is best for our own child.

I read a quote the other day by Jill Churchill that said "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one." Why are we all trying to be the "perfect mom"? There is no such thing! It's a hoax! We need to be less focused on being the perfect mom, and focus more on what we ARE doing right. I am 100% sure that my daughter knows I love her. She is one, but I can tell when she looks at me that she just knows. In my book, that makes me the greatest mom in all the land. Stop beating yourself up. You're doing a great job. Don't forget to say that to the mom with the screaming toddler at target. I promise you, she needs to hear it.