I have held off on posting my birth story for quite some time. Maybe it's because when I have time, I would rather be spending it with Bryce or running errands or taking a nap. Who knows? It could also be because it was quite eventful and I haven't wanted to think about making sure I remember every detail, however one day I want to make sure I have it written down, and I have only put part of it in my journal, so I better get it written down before I truly do forget it all! I shall start at the beginning.
On May 4th, the day before my due date, Bryce and I went for our usual nightly walk around McCowin park in Ammon. Along our walk we ran into our friends Kate and Brandon, and decided we were up for a round of frisbee golf! I did a test throw and decided there was no way, and I would just walk along. On the third hole, a frisbee got stuck in a HUGE (seriously it is way tall) tree, and Bryce decided to be the hero and CLIMB IT. What?! I'm DUE tomorrow, you will not leave my child fatherless! Did he care? Probably, but he went almost all the way up that tree anyways. That should've been enough to put me in labor. After we finished, we went to Orange Leaf with Kate and Brandon to get some frozen yogurt.
That's when I started getting contractions. This was normal for me, I had been getting braxton hicks on and off for weeks, and they had started getting pretty painful. On the drive home they got even more painful. By 12 am I had taken a few baths and tried to sleep and I was in way too much pain. I had gone through this 3 weeks earlier, there was no way I was going to get sent home again. Nevertheless I kept tracking my contractions. When they were all under 5 minutes apart and the pain was too much, we went to the hospital. I can't remember exactly when, let's just say 2 am?
When I got there they let us know they were in diversion which meant they had too many people and not enough nurses so they were sending everyone to the other hospital across the street. My heart sank. "You are welcome to come in and get checked though." Heck yeah, I didn't want to go to 2 different hospitals and get sent home. So we went to labor and delivery and the charge nurse had me change and checked me. I was about 1.5 cm dilated and 70%(?) effaced. My contractions were strong and close enough together that they said they might just cancel someone's induction (I would HATE me if I were that person..) since they were only 38 weeks pregnant and clearly I was going into labor. They checked me an hour later and I hadn't progressed so they called my doctor and he told them to have me go ahead and come in for my 10:15 am appointment. KILL ME I thought. I was in so much pain. They gave me something that would possibly help with the pain but wasn't a guarantee.
I went home and got in the bath and sent Bryce to bed. I was crying through my contractions. I still had probably 6 hours until I could go to my doctors and beg him to induce me. I took about 3 baths, went downstairs and laid on the couch. Every time I felt my contractions coming on I started bawling because I knew it would be so much pain for at least a minute... I did not sleep at ALL. Bryce lent me his fingers to squeeze (two so I wouldn't break them) for every contraction. FINALLY it was time to go to my doctors appointment.
Sitting in the car on the way there, I was miserable and scared to go in to the waiting room because I knew I couldn't have a soundless contraction. I almost sent Bryce in to just wait until they called me so I wouldn't be embarrassed. Luckily they got us back right before I had another contraction, at which point I was bawling and groaning from so much pain even when I tried to suppress it. The doctor finally came in and checked me. "Well, what hospital did you want to deliver at?" He asked. I told him my preference and told him that when I was there this morning they were in diversion. "Well let me call them then. You're 4 cm dilated. You're having the baby today, or at least by early morning tomorrow."
I started crying in thankfulness. The doctor came back and told us the hospital would take us, but that we better hurry before someone else gets there. Luckily it was 2 minutes away, so we went off to the hospital to have our baby!
When we got there, they got us right in. It was 11:23 as I changed into my gown and I was so excited and relieved that she would be here soon.
My nurse was so sweet and was asking me questions and getting everything ready when I started to have yet another contraction at which point I called Bryce over to squeeze his fingers as I began to feel the pain. My nurse felt so bad that she hadn't called in the anesthesiologist and didn't realize I was in so much pain because I was in such a great mood when she was setting up all of the equipment. The anesthesiologist was in there within 15 minutes. The epidural really wasn't terrible. There was pressure and a little pain but the end product had me wanting to shout with joy. Which I did. I felt NO pain from my contractions!!
My doctor was in at about 12:30 or 1 and broke my water, and I was 6 cm dilated. I was excited I had progressed another 2 cm in the last hour or so. But this excitement wouldn't last.
When my doctor broke my water, there was a very large amount of meconium in the fluid. This would mean that they wanted the baby out sooner than later and that they didn't want her to cry so she would not aspirate any.
They kept checking me and I kept not progressing. At 4:30 I was still 6 cm. My nurse was bummed about it, she really thought I would have the baby before the shift change. Harper's heart rate fell a little for the first time right before they switched nurses. It made my nurse nervous but she said it still might be fine. It was just for a short period. They switched nurses and my next nurse checked me at about 5:30. Then Checked me again. And again. I was luckily testing throughout all of this. The baby was apparently turned away from my spine instead of towards and so they had me laying on my side and switching every 30 minutes to try and get her to turn. Whatever side I was on, the opposite would start feeling a bit of pain during the contractions so in came the anesthesiologist to fix that.
They had me on a low dose of pitocin. The baby at this point had a steady heart rate, which was apparently NOT a good thing. They wanted to see her heart rate spike during contractions and it just wasn't doing that. They at this point mentioned I may need a c section. I was terrified. But the more Bryce and I talked about it, the calmer I got. I was looking up pictures of scars and saw Victoria Beckham had gotten one with all of her kids and decided if she could get back into shape quickly after hers, then so could I. I was almost relieved at this point. But my doctor had told me as long as I keep progressing and baby stays fine, that he would let my body keep trying.
At this point I was still nervous, and asked Bryce if he could call his dad to come and help him give me a blessing. In the LDS church, worthy men can hold the priesthood, and with that they are able to give a blessing. His dad would be coming around 8, his mom told us. His mom had been there since around 2 when she brought Bryce lunch. I was glad he wasn't totally alone while I was sleeping on and off.
I got checked again between this time and the time Bryce's dad came, and was still at a 6. I had been at a 6 for 8 hours which was definitely not ideal. Finally at 8, I woke up to Bryce's Dad coming in to the room, and they were ready to give me a blessing.
I am SO grateful Bryce holds the priesthood, because I attribute that blessing to how well everything went considering the circumstances later on. I'm not entirely sure Harper would be here had it not been for that blessing and faith in the Lord.
My doctor came in around 9. The reason I wasn't progressing was because the baby wasn't sitting low anymore. They upped the pitocin and FINALLY things started moving. I was at an 8. Then a 9. Around 11:45 he asked me if I wanted to do a practice push, because I would be pushing soon. He didn't really say I was at a 10 yet, but I went with it. It looked like I wouldn't be getting a c section after all. They had me take a huge deep breath, then hold it for 10 seconds as I pushed. FYI, when they say 10 seconds, they mean counting to 10 as slowly as possible. After, they want you to push all of your air out (seriously all of it or they will tell you you're doing it wrong) then take the biggest breath of your life and do it all over again. After I practiced, he said okay, we are going to do it for real now. I was at a 10. She was going to be here soon. My doctor was amazing. He was with me the whole time even awhile before I was ready to start pushing. Between pushing, he let me know they may need to use a vacuum or forceps because her shoulder was stuck. I was okay with that if he felt it was safe. I kept pushing and pushing and he kept encouraging me. Meanwhile between every contraction Bryce was getting me ice chips. OH MY GOSH I would've died without them. I was nauseous and tired and it helped me SO much. My mother-in-law was also on the other side of the curtain in the lounging part of the room and started getting ice chips to hand to Bryce. Bryce was holding one of my legs back most of the time. I felt like Harper's leg was jamming straight into my rib so I finally got them to lay me flat on my back and I could breath much better. When she was crowing they told me she had hair and had me feel it so I would get inspired to push more. I actually had them get me a mirror which I said I would NEVER do, and even had Bryce look (I also said I would never let him, but he was okay with it so I told him to go for it). Bryce was so dang encouraging the whole time!
The mirror was so cool. I could see the progress I was making. Finally I was pushing almost constantly and with one last push the doctor practically pulled her out. That was probably the grossest part, seeing all the fluid that she was in... They had been replenishing my water with IV (so weird, didn't know that was a thing) and when she came out, so did all the water and a TON of meconium. They told me they did NOT want her to cry, and the last 15 minutes I was pushing there was a team there ready to work on her. I didn't exactly realize why until 6 weeks later when the doctor told me everything that actually happened. She didn't breathe for 2 minutes and my mother in law saw them working on her through the curtain and said she was purple. I didn't know that until a few days later, which I am so happy I didn't. She was being worked on for a little while, and Bryce kept assuring me she was fine even though he didn't leave my side. She wasn't making any noise even after she was breathing. The nurse kept telling her "it's okay, you can cry. You're fine, you can make some noise." I heard a few noises but no cries. They told me she was okay, just wasn't wanting to cry. Finally she was okay to come see me. She was born at 12:55 am after and hour of pushing, and Bryce took a picture of her for me to see at 1:09 am, then at 1:28 am I was finally able to hold her!
1:09 am, the first picture I saw of her
1:03 am. She had her own respiratory specialist waiting for her before she came out. Her own little team working on her.
Those first few hours were everything.
She had a very coned shaped head because of how she was sitting in there for so long during the labor process, but my doctor had warned me before she was born that she would, so I wasn't caught off guard. I could not believe she was here. The first thing I asked was if she had a tongue tie, because I knew that could effect breast feeding. "Are you kidding me? The way she is sticking her tongue out, I don't even have to check." It's true, that baby's tongue was ALWAYS out. I snuggled my sweet girl and tried to get her to nurse. She couldn't figure out how to latch, so I kept trying but then just snuggled her. She did not cry for over 2 hours after she was born. Just made small noises. Bryce kept saying how badly he wanted to hear her cry, but we knew he would regret saying that eventually ;)
After awhile the nurse took me to the bathroom. Oh my gosh, I wish someone would have warned me how SWOLLEN I would be... I mean a lot of trauma happens down there, so I guess I should've thought about it but I didn't. I was scared the swelling would never go down! It was much better even just a few hours later. They moved us to the recovery room while Bryce was still sleeping (I made him take a nap as soon as I got her and he had held her and then they took her to clean her off). They went back to get him and then we settled in to sleep.
We later discovered Harper had a lip tie, and thought that may be the reason she was having trouble latching. Since her first day I have used a nipple shield to help her latch and it has worked wonders for her latching problems. We think it's more muscular motor skills that have made it hard for her to open wide and latch, but she is growing and getting a lot of milk, so we aren't too concerned about me still using a shield. She can now latch without it but it is a very bad latch that will cause trauma to me, and I don't want to hate nursing, so I just switch between using a shield and not using one. We have an appointment to meet with an occupational therapist, so I'm hoping it helps :)
Later that morning with Daddy. My heart was so full looking at the way he looked at his little girl.
I loved snuggling my little babe!
I couldn't believe how perfect she was
I was obsessed with her hair. Most of it in the front is gone now but the top back and bottom back has always had a ton!
One day old and ready to go home. She was just too cute in her little outfit!
When we checked out, Harper had a bit of jaundice so we would need to go to our pediatrician in 2 days to check it out. She still had high readings so they encouraged us to feed her every 2 hours even if she was sleeping, to wake her up, and they would check 2 days later. By then she had gained 5 oz in 2 days so they were pleased, and her levels were staying the same so they said she was okay.
Her first visit to the doctor to get her jaundice levels (bilirubin) checked!
It was a crazy ride, but I am so grateful for how everything went. Harper is such a light in our lives! I may continue to update this blog as I remember other details of the day. Sorry if I get a bit graphic, but I want to remember this as best I can. Thank you for reading!
Okay, so I have gone through and updated this a little before posting, and since originally writing it I have had my 6 week appointment when my doctor shed some light on the happenings during my labor. I went in and told him my mother in law had said she was blue, and asked just how bad my labor was. "Yeah, it was pretty bad. We were all peeing our pants a little. The nurses and I still talk about it."
Great. So he explained how Harper had a shoulder dystocia, that her head was out but her shoulder was stuck. He said he has had a lot of these happen before, but only about 5 have made him pretty much pee his pants, and that mine was one of them. He explained that when the baby's head is coming out, the umbilical cord moves way back into the uterus and if the baby doesn't come out quick enough, that the cord gets compressed and the baby loses oxygen to the brain. Harper was like this for 45 seconds, which he said isn't bad but definitely isn't good. He had to use 3 different methods to try and et her out, and the third one worked. He told me often when a baby is stuck like this, they will end up with a broken arm or clavicle. I was so relieved she didn't have either of those! Then he told me the scarier part is that when they pull the baby out, there are a bundle of nerves between the neck and arm that can be damaged and pull apart and leave the baby paralyzed in that arm. I couldn't imagine how difficult and horrible that would be. He said after Harper was out, she had a score of 2 out of 10 on a score they rate them on (breathing, active, color, heartbeat, stuff like that.) He said that Harper was not breathing for 2 minutes (which I knew) but that she had to be resuscitated. I definitely didn't realize that! He said the whole team was scrambling working on her. That 5 minutes later, her number on the scale was still only a 5. Finally it had gotten to a 7 which isn't great but isn't bad either. That's when I was finally able to hold her.
I cannot imagine what state I would have been in had things gone a much different and devastating way. As I sat there listening to all of the details my doctor was telling me, I just kept looking at Harper, so grateful that I had gotten a blessing before, that she was there with me. I couldn't believe that there was such a big chance we could have lost her that day. I don't like to think about it, I just am so glad we were able to keep our sweet little girl.
My mother-in-law had told me that after the team was done working on Harper, the respiratory specialist was leaving and asked her on the way out,"were you praying?" She told him that she had been, and that he had said (I can't remember exactly what it was) something along the lines of good, that they had needed it, that he had been terrified. (I may need to correct this once I remember what he really said...)
I even remember the nurse telling me that Harper had given them quite a scare. I figured it all had to do with the meconium, but I was wrong.
7 weeks and 6 hours later I Iay in bed writing the rest of this, laying next to my wonderful husband, looking at my sweet girl fast asleep in her little rock n play, counting my blessings. My love for her keeps growing and growing, and sometimes when I look at her I feel like my heart might burst. I feel so blessed to have our sweet little angel with us.
Her first sponge bath with mom and dad all by themselves under the direction of my mom!
This is seriously how she would sleep.
My mom came up 3 days after she was born and stayed for 5 days. I am so glad she was able to help me out. I was exhausted before she got there and wash bit out of it, so I'm lucky she helped me catch up on some sleep!
My mom caught this picture. I am so obsessed with Harper, and so happy my mom caught such a sweet moment of me cuddling my perfect angel.
Harper is now 7 weeks (6 weeks 6 days in this picture) and lights up our life! She fills my life with so much purpose. I love being a mommy to her and wife to Bryce. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's.
